sauseschritt a ja immer eine schwäche für das kaputte leben gehabt, wahrscheinlich auch deshalb, weil es wahrer ist als die (nicht einmal mehr oberflächlich) heile welt. bringing out the dead macht es wieder deutlich: es ist nicht leicht, das alles zu ertragen, doch alles ist besser, als die augen zu schließen:

(...) saving someones life is like falling in love. the best drug in the world. for days, sometimes for weeks afterwards you walk the street, making infinite whatever you see. once, for a few weeks, I could not feel the earth. everything I touched bcame lighter. horns played in my shoes, flowers fell from my pockets. you wonder if you become a moral as you saved your own life as well. god has passed through you, why deny it, and for a moment there, god was you. taking credits when things go right, doesn´t work the other way. when things go wrong, spreading the blame is an essential medical surviving tune. the elevator broke down, the boy friend was crazy. i shouldn´t called him sick, the tube wouldn´t go in. the god of hellfire is not a role that anyone wants to play (...)

after a while i could understand that my role was less about saving lives than about bearing witness (...)